


In Memoriam

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Canon, Post-Series, making amends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 05:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11776638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: "He wanders to a corner of the memorial, and scans through the names engraved on stone (Agni, there areso many—he’d forgotten just howmany), until at last he finds the ones he is looking for: a cluster of thirty, tucked at the bottom of the list of people who had been on the flagship.His crew.He kneels, bows. Removes the incense from his bag, lights them with a pinch of his fingers, and props them up against the stone."Zuko remembers.





	In Memoriam

There had been plans, under Ozai, for a memorial in heart of the Capitol City commemorating the massive number of Fire Nation lives lost during the Siege of the North. The Fire Lord had initially refused to allow and to finance a memorial for what was after all a _defeat_ , but once someone pointed out to him that such an attraction honored the military, honored _his_ military, he'd agreed. And because Ozai only accepted the best, the best artists and architects in the country were commissioned for the project, drafted it carefully, plotted and replotted it, and were just about ready to begin construction by the time Sozin’s Comet arrived. 

It is generally assumed that the project is cancelled once Fire Lord Zuko ascends to the throne, considering his close relationship with the Avatar—who after all, _caused_ those casualties—and the fact that the Northern Water Tribe is supposedly an _ally_ now. But it’s not until two months into his reign that anyone bothers to ask the Fire Lord. 

“Of course I want you to build the memorial!” says Zuko adamantly when he is finally approached about the subject, after inviting the head-architect to rise from the customary prostration.

“But, um, Your Majesty,” sputters the man, apparently uncomfortable with the sudden lack of formality. “We thought that because you ended the War…a memorial of this kind might not…”

“This isn’t about the War.” Zuko shakes his head slightly. “This is about people from our country who died because of it. They deserve to be remembered. Do you have access to all the names you need?”

“Names, Your Majesty?”

“Of the soldiers and sailors who died during the Siege. To include on the memorial.”

“But Your Majesty! That would be _thousands_ of names—”

“Yeah. And I want you to please include all of them. Do you have the access you need?”

* * *

When Zuko attends the formal unveiling of the memorial several months later on the day of the anniversary of the Siege, he does so as the Fire Lord—stands in the center of the area, gives the speech required of him. Talks about how these soldiers were brave, how they loved their Nation, and how important it is to remember them. Talks about how these lives were also taken by the War, just like millions of others, and how important it is to remember _all_ of them, not just Fire Nation. That it will be hard, but that with time they _will_ remember all of them. It’s generally well-received, he thinks (at least by people who aren’t Ozai-Loyalists), and he spends the rest of the day offering condolences to grieving families.

When he returns at night, he’s alone, and without his head dress—which is probably a serious breach of decorum, but he cannot bring himself to care—because he doesn’t feel like the Fire Lord at this moment. He doesn’t _want_ to feel like the Fire Lord at this moment. 

He wanders to a corner of the memorial, and scans through the names engraved on stone (Agni, there are _so many_ —he’d forgotten just how _many_ ), until at last he finds the ones he is looking for: a cluster of thirty, tucked at the bottom of the list of people who had been on the flagship. 

His crew.

He kneels, bows. Removes the incense from his bag, lights them with a pinch of his fingers, and props them up against the stone. 

“I know this is the anniversary of the Siege,” he says. “But we have another anniversary coming up in a few weeks, don’t we? Almost four years now. Strange.”

He sighs. It’s odd, this, talking to figments he cannot see. Uncle would be better at this—Uncle is always better at this sort of thing—but still, Zuko has to try. “I never got to apologize to any of you. I wasn’t really in a place to do that when you died. But I am now.”

He swallows. “I was a brat. I was a spoiled, bratty, _angry_ prince who treated you all terribly. You deserved better from you commanding officer. You deserved better from your Crown Prince.

“But you stuck by me anyway. For almost three years. And I know none of you wanted to be there, and that you only were because you were ordered to be. But you stuck by me, when you could have—I don’t know—mutinied or something. I doubt anyone would have even bothered court-martialing you for a mutiny against the disgraced banished Prince.

“It took me a while, but I think I finally accepted the fact that disaster at the Siege of the North wasn’t my fault. But _you_ were all there because you were with me.” Another sigh. “Who knows, maybe you all would have been there anyway. Most of the Navy was, I guess. But you probably wouldn’t have been on Zhao’s flagship, in the front and center of all of it…”

Zuko pauses again. It’s too easy, he’s started to learn recently, to bury himself in regret, to apologize over and over for things that, as Uncle keeps reminding him in practically every letter they exchange, weren’t actually his fault. (There are things he _should_ regret, but, Uncle reminds him, he’s atoned for them, has apologized for them…has worked and is continuing to work to make them right.) And anyway, his angst, it’s not the point right now. 

“Anyway,” he continues, once again focusing himself on the names in front of him. “I guess I wanted to say that I know I wasn’t a good leader to you. And I think that, if any of you were still alive it’d probably be hard for you to see me as the Fire Lord. But I’m trying to be the kind of leader now that you would have been proud to serve. Maybe one day, I will be.

“And,” Zuko adds as an apparent afterthought. “You’ll all be remembered. I promise.”

He stays kneeling there for a few moments more, before bowing again and rising to return to the Palace.

* * *

The memorial remains popular. And for years, people will marvel at the fact that, in a secluded corner of the area just under a list of some of the people who served on the flagship, no matter the time of day there always seem to be incense, and they always seem to be lit.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I love comments!


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